I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
