and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
