So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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