11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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