i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
