i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
