The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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