not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
