dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
