So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
