Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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