Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
