omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
