Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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