Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
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