I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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