I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
