I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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