So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
