I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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