ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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