I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
