His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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