I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
