His pubic hair was longer than his dick
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
If I die, sorry about rent.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
