Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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