Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
