Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
