I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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