So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
