Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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