too bad you live with your parents still
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
