While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
