Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize