somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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