well I can't set my house on fire every night
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He called his prostate his "boner button".
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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