Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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