someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
