I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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