look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize