i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
