I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
