I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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