Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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