a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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