Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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