what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
