Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
