Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
