My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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