If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
