At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
