I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
