Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
