It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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