Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I supernannyed him into submission
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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