u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
