also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Mom said you looked used
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
