The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
