woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
