i would punch a child for taco bell
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
