I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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