i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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