Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
