Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
