Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
