I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize