One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
