five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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