Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
