Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
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