Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
