Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
