btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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