Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
